I love you more than anybody I ever know but I still wish I had never met you because I think life would be a lot less complicated. Yet, I will never trade in the memories I've created with you, both good and bad.
I think in life, one of the hardest lessons we learn is that love is not enough to make a relationship work. Some of us are lucky. We fall in love and we put ourselves out on a line and we are fortunate to be loved in return and the road to making the relationship work is a rocky one, but it's a ship that actually got to set sail. Others fall in love and give their hearts to the ones who don't deserve it or to ones who do deserve it but circumstances make it impossible for a relationship to be cultivated.
Some go through life without ever having to face the hardship of loving and never being loved in return. For others, it is the story of their life: to love and never have the feelings returned.
At the relatively young age of 23, I have experienced the pain of being in love and never being loved in return and it has become the story of my life (for now).
I fell in love with someone who didn't deserve it. Maybe he isn't worth my love but the reality is that, as much pain he's put me through, he will always be someone I will care for deeply.
Day after day, I live with the knowledge that I love him and I will always worry about him and care about him but it will never lead anywhere: Because we have no future together; At least, not in the foreseeable future. I have accepted the reality of the fact that the feelings will never be reciprocated. But it will never change the way I feel.
We love who we love for reasons we cannot fathom. Sometimes it ends in a fairytale ending, more often than not, it's a cross we bear and the perverse part of it lies in the fact that it is self-inflicted.
People tell me that if there is no future, then, I need to distance myself and move on. The truth is: I will never cut him from my life because he permanently owns a piece of my heart. The difference between the past and now is that I know it is an unrequited love. And I'm willing to bear that pain.
It's not self-sacrifice or martyrdom. It is simply the reality of Life.
2 comments:
aye aye..
it's true, the ones who love us the most, also hurt us the most.. it is the inevitability of a flawed human love.
with all good intentions though, but plans.. they never work quite right.
which is better? to not feel anything, neither hurt nor love?
or to feel everything? all the hurt and the love?
different coping mechanisms for all.
i've come to a point in my life, where those i've loved before, i still love even though our lives go on, but the acceptance is there that, that happiness wasn't found in me, and it doesn't hurt as much as it used to, 'specially when God loves us back, keeps us safe, keeps us whole.. ready to love again
love, we use it so fleetingly, and yet, yes.. it's meant to cost a lot, it's not exactly free, when people don't reciprocate
oh man, i'm starting to love coming here, it's like listening to a good Cure, Mercury Rev or Joe Henry song -))
to the two of you, hold fast to the love that comes from above, it has helped sustain us, and kept us believing and knowing, that love is still everything -)
yea you know when it boils down, God's love is the most fulfilling right? Unconditional although we are underserving. My gf writes excellently and as you can see she is very emotive! I love her! This is going to be a very very raw blog... only those who dare should read...
Post a Comment