Smell the sickeningly-sweet cloying scent of roses in the air and a faint whiff of chocolates as couples languishing in lovey-dovey overdrive - some going to the extent of matching his-and-hers outfits – parade the streets. Watch as red or pink dominate the scenery as you watch smug girls mince by holding massive bouquets of flowers, assorted cutesy stuffed toys or other Cupid-inspired gifts: trailed of course, my some smitten beau who may or may not be making “goo-goo” eyes or staring at his beloved with a dreamy gaze and heartfelt sigh. I exaggerate, of course, but you get the point…
Those of us who happen to be single this Valentine’s may grumble and put this occasion down as another stupid Hallmark-created holiday for said company and other V-Day gift purveyors…As much as it pains the wallet to fork out 10 bucks per stalk of rose, can you really begrudge these businesses the once-a-year opportunity to make some profits? After all, nobody said you had to buy roses; you had a choice, even if it’s grudging one due to clichés and ritualistic expectations. In the words of my seemingly perpetually rose-colored glasses wearing future sister-in-law: “No need. Anyway, every day is Valentine’s Day”. Her idealistic statement leaves me in a quandary to either laugh at her idealism (or at my own cynicism) or to feel sorry for my unknowing brother who has enormous romantic expectations to fill not just on special occasions but every day. I suppose, given that he has willingly agreed to throw on the leg-shackles at such a young tender age, (ok, ok…I admit to indulging in a little sour grapes behavior since I know I would probably be wearing an ape-shit grin on my face if a certain someone proposed to me but let’s not my own lack of success in that department rain on my brother’s parade) he knows what he is getting himself into (I hope.)
Yet, there is some truth to her statement. I mean, who was the one who proclaimed Valentine’s Day as the day for lovers and dictated that modern celebratory rites included material gifts (that are seriously over-inflated)? I’d like to be a cynic and blame it solely on Hallmark but anyone with a basic grasp of Economics know that with demand drives supply. History hypothesizes that the origins of Valentine’s Day had nothing to do with romance or lovers at all, instead, being a day designated to honor two saints who were named Valentine for their martyr behavior. Perhaps the closest reference we can associate with today’s connotations (of romantic love) celebrated on the day are from Chaucer’s Parliament of Foules:
For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese [choose] his make [mate].
In any case, it’s not an especially fun day for the love-lorn, including myself. At 24, I have weathered quite a few Valentine’s days...given my track record, you are correct to assume that they were spent without a significant other. Some of them I spend wallowing in misery, listening to love songs in my darkened room (mostly during the teenage angst years), while others I spend with a few girlfriends, having dinner and celebrating friendship. This year, I spent it running errands for my brother, who did not have the time to purchase tokens of love for his fiance, and the bulk of the day with my mother. A romantic day made in Heaven….Not.
I have to admit though, that the closet romantic in me was basking in secret glee of being on the other smug side of the fence for once. While ferrying the massive bouquet of Champagne and Pink Roses I had picked (Red is just so over-done…) to the car, I was aware of being thrown some looks of envy from other girls who were flower-less. Yet, while I was silently gloating: “Nice right? Nice right?!?!?”, a part of me twinged within because the anti-climatic truth was that they were NOT MINE. By the time I managed to locate a suitably large and sappily romantic heart-shaped Helium balloon with “Happy Valentine’s Day” (and with a singing mechanism to boot!), I was over my initial joy through vicarious living. To be honest, I did feel like a right prat walking down the street with that massive pink atrocitiy (although I normally am a huge fan of all things pink). Of course, with so many people witnessing my solo exit from the store, I could not even pretend that someone had given it to me….Oh the horrors! Thankfully, I was able to salvage some sort of dignity with my new Oversized sunnies (which broke my shopping budget but was definitely worth the prize in this scenario!) Nobody does sunnies better than Dior for the days when you want to make looking bored and evil so effortless (or exude uber nonchalance). In any case, my display of utter coolness was of course, ruined by the revenge of my perpetual dag-iness when I got bopped in the head by that stupid balloon while wrestling it into the car boot. Still, I tried…
Yet, I wasn’t exactly totally neglected. I did get an overseas call from a certain someone wishing me Valentine’s Day (the warm glow was slightly ruined by the following enquiries as to how to use my washing machine). Still, I’d like to be kind and give him points for even calling. At this moment, he and I are exploring uncharted waters and I am at lost as to what to do…Do I believe that he is really taking baby steps to making a real go at a relationship with me or is he playing games again? I guess, time and my arrival back where he is can only tell….
My mother did make some comments throughout the day that did get me thinking. For one, she was a little amazed that girls in high school were carrying around several bunches of flowers as she felt that they were a little too young (forgiveable considering that she’s from a much more conservation and old-fashioned era). I did explain to her that people start dating younger nowadays and besides, they could have been gifts from friends. This astounded her further as she found the concept of girls giving their girl friends flowers for fun beyond her. But she did have a point…I remember being in high school when I used to buy scores of flowers or candies to distribute to friends (in hope of receiving some in return); the bottom-line being that the more gifts you received, the more popular you feel. Yes, we all do stupid things in our youth…
Sometimes, I feel that expectations can spoil the element of surprise or appreciation of gifts. Somehow, it reduces the gifting to a token gesture. My mother confided to me that while my father was not a particularly romantic man who would take her out on romantic dates or buy her flowers on Valentine’s Day, she was never disappointed or in doubt that he loves and cares for her. She, in fact, claims that my father positively dotes on…not through grandoise gestures but through the little things he does for her everyday such as coming after a long day of work to cook dinner for her; waking up early on weekends to buy her favourite local fare from the markets; calling her immediately when he arrives at whatever foreign country he has gone to for business. Of course, my father is not utterly devoid of romance; after a recent trip to Switzerland, my father presented my mother with a 10-carat emerald cut diamond ring “just cause”.
Now, my mother is a complex, complicated volatile woman with a fierce temper. She does not appreciate being rushed or criticized and can make Miranda Priestly look like a saint given the mood. After years out of the workforce, my mother has lost touch with what’s in or hot in the world. She’s not the most sophisticated or polished person but she will make you laugh and feel extremely comfortable. My mother may be socially-awkward at times and shy from taking any self-improvement lessons; she may throw tantrums for the tinniest reasons but but she is also a warm, kind-hearted woman with a big, generous heart.
My father loves my mother despite her imperfections. She may seemingly be a terrifying virago, but that’s not who he sees (or what he chooses to focus on): he sees a woman with no typical tai-tai vices; someone who in 33 years of marriage may never have said she loves him or misses him but shows it in the way she wakes up early to accompany him at breakfast and sees him off to work; in the way that she calls him several times a day when they are not in the same country (or sometimes even when they are in the same country); in the way she trusts him whole-heartedly even when he travels five months out of the year and works in an industry not unknown for the cultivation of broken marriages. He sees a woman who loves her children with all her heart and more (and is constantly telling his children to appreciate that).
To me, it’s a sign of true love that is enduring and real; something that trumps any grandoise gestures of romance. A girl may be swept off her feet by such antics but will he be there ready to catch her before she falls?
I believe such a love is rare and to be honest, I think Fairytale-endings and Happily Ever Afters are not that common despite what all little girls have been brought up to believe (with the help of Disney). Yet, a part of me still hopes that maybe, just maybe… there’s still a chance for me to find that someone whose skies are grey without me and vice-versa. Someone to make the days worth living (even through the good, bad and especially, mundane).
So, there’s no need to sweep me off my feet, really….( I’d rather not ruin my heels… *wink*)
