Ever knew a guy you enjoyed hanging out with: the guy you take with you if you need a date for something but you just aren’t dating anyone at the moment or it’s not quite at the stage for you to be bringing him as your “plus one”. He’s the guy you take to occasional extended family events or weddings; The guy you catch movies with or have dinner at a nice place with once in awhile; the guy you exercise your “FWF” (aka Friends who f**k) benefits when the need strikes i.e. you haven’t done the horizontal hustle in a loooooonnng time and picking up a random stranger is so not your deal.
BUT…
When someone (more often than not, an annoying auntie who loves to meddle and gossip) asks you if the both of you are together, you respond by looking around wildly for a means to beat a hasty retreat and mumbling “errr…”
This man is the 10% Boyfriend.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with him. In fact, he’s pretty much almost on par with “Girlfriend!” and yes, the exclamation point is necessary in this context. I am of course, talking about your “sista-sista” aka the GAY Best Friend. The man who fusses over you like your mum and concerned auntie combined; spends hours bitching and gossiping with you; goes into the Change room with you and gives you the most brutal appraisal of your fashion choices (and sometimes your choice of Men); who you do everything with like he was your Mr. Perfect, except that you don’t know each other in the Biblical sense.
I digress.
The 10% boyfriend is charming, attractive (to you) and someone whose company you enjoy very much. On some level, you may even have sexual compatibility with him. Looking at the checklist, you’re ticking off the criteria you look for in a man like crazy. Sounds good so far? But there’s one problem…There is still that one bit missing that makes you dig your feet into the ground when it comes to contemplating if you should take things one step further. Being a woman, you probably would have at some point of time, contemplated this. (I don’t know any female who hasn’t ever thought that having your soul mate and best friend also be the love of your life as an idea that is repugnant.)
The 10% boyfriend is like an ice-cream sundae. He’s a treat but he’s not an extraordinary one. He’s certainly no Hot Chocolate Lava Cake drizzled with Belgian Chocolate and Vanilla Bean ice-cream. He’s Mr. Paddle Pop – something familiar and you’re comfortable with but he doesn’t make your eyes glaze over or makes you lose coherent thought and start drooling. I suppose, in reality, we can’t all hold out for Mr. Fantasy Man because he may not exist to our exacting requirements but THE ONE should be able to at least, sweep you off your feet (figuratively) at some point of time in your relationship.
Most women have this fella in their life. Depending on which stage of the emotional rollercoaster they are at, they may be able to handle having him in their life or they may start being a clinging vine. At some point, you may have even played “pretend couple” with him unconsciously. Well, there’s nothing wrong to fall back on your ‘failsafe’ guy when you’re feeling particularly low over your lack of relationship status but the 10% Boyfriend is not a LONG TERM PLAN.
At some point of time, you will need to accept that he (aka MR 10%) isn’t the perfect fit for you. While he helps you alleviate some of the anxiety you get from being alone, he also lulls you into a false sense of complacency. Because you ‘sorta’ have a boyfriend, you may start subconsciously giving out ‘already taken’ vibes to potentials. So the next time you sob into your martini on a girls’ night out, asking your girlfriends why you don’t have anyone…think about this reason.
The modern woman has come a long way in terms of independence. But at the end of the day, we weren’t made to go through Life alone. At some point, we’d pair up with a significant other. So, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to share your life with someone. You are not a lesser being for wanting to be one of a pair. Just bear in mind that at some stage in your life, you will walk it alone and being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. It just means it isn’t the time for you to share it with someone.
So, if you’re clinging onto Mr 10% for that false sense of security; Do yourself a favour. Cut him lose. He may be your Mr 10% but he could be someone else’s Mr 100%. Do a sista a favor and give her back her man… *LOL*
