Recently, my bestie did an “advert” looking for a girlfriend for a friend of hers. We were talking on MSN and I told her that what qualifies a man as a “good catch” is not his material or physical attributes, but rather his heart. Her response was that wealth is what girls are looking for and if she were to be honest, it does matter to her as well. My response was that wealth is a relative term. Of course, pragmatism and reality tells us that we cannot live on love alone, but how wealthy does a guy have to be for you to be attracted: enough that you do not worry when your next meal is going to be or enough for you to be kept dripping in diamonds?
What is your POP?
What extent of material comfort do you expect when looking for a significant other? In other words, what price will you whore yourself out for? I know it sounds rude but sometimes, when I hear people talking crap about prostitutes and the like, I feel that there is a certain level of hypocrisy involved.
Prostitutes have sex with clients for money. At the end of the day, it is a business arrangement. Yes, it does make the whole act of sex seem sordid and taints the rosy image many of us have of sex and the associated romance and relationship that should come with it. But let us be honest here, we’re only human and to be honest, many of us (stereotypically, men) have base needs that need to be met and there's also some of us, who frankly, are just skanks, pure and simple. Are you saying that women, who hold out for the bigger, better deal (material-wise), are better than those who work in the oldest profession in the world?
I don’t think so. The woman who held out for the latest Mulberry bag is not very much different from a high-class call girl; they both cost a pretty penny even though one is paid with material goods and the other with cold hard cash. Doesn’t that fit a definition of whoring yourself out? I wouldn’t say that every woman who has financial stability/comfort as her selection criteria is a potential “prostitute in disguise” but I will say that for those of us who have a wide streak of “gold-digging” in them, should really learn the expression “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”. If you’ve ever had the chance to read Coerte Felske’s Millennium Girl, you’d know that there are a breed of women who do take their search for the ultimate Sugar Daddy very seriously: to the professional level. To some extent, I think that the prostitute has the better deal; she gets paid before she gets down to business. A woman who is being “kept” is in it for the long-term, the ultimate price being “marriage” but she is still at risk of having her “business deal” go down in flames as she does not get paid till much, much after.
But I’m not here to discuss the fine distinction between prostitution and being a “sugar baby”. I want to talk about what your personal criteria is when it comes to financial status. I believe I have mentioned before that I would like to find someone who is on par with my family’s social status; one who is able to support me in the lifestyle (or some semblance of it) that I have grown up and become accustomed to.
But I would also like to say that, at the end of the day, you will never truly know your POP till you are put in the situation where you actually have to decide what the exact price is. It is easy to give a ballpark figure when you haven’t met the person yet. There are some of us who adhere strictly to guidelines and will not consider anyone who does not meet their selection criteria. But alas, life is not always black-and-white. At some point in our lives, we will all meet that not-quite-suitable boy (or girl) who does not meet the pre-selection criteria and yet, there is just something about that person that makes you want to step out of your comfort/vetting zone and explore unchartered waters. Whether or not he is worth the risk, well, only time and experience will tell. And that is why one should always treat marriage as if there is a “no returns” policy and think well and hard before you choose to waltz down that aisle in the pretty white gown.
Of course, I am not suggesting that you marry someone that is the polar opposite of your selection criteria just to prove your point that wealth is of little consequence when it comes to matters of the heart. All I am saying is that it is often difficult to search for the right person when you have set yourself a list of selection criteria. How do you know what you really want? You will not really know till you meet the person. Even then, the basic foundations of common shared values may not necessarily make that person your perfect match either.
We’ve all heard that the “perfect match” is one where you complement each other; your weaknesses should be his strengths and vice-versa. Bullshit. We’re never ever going to find the perfect complement to ourselves. Everything in life does not fit nicely into place like a seamless jigsaw puzzle. There will always be uneven edges, gaps, grey areas and the like that will make any relationship a “Monet”: perfect from afar but a mess if you examine it up close. In situations such as these, it is when compromise comes to play and we have to decide what redeeming factors do the other party have that will make us set our POP to the “intended market price”.
Did I just make relationships and the search for a mate (in my dictionary known as "the Marriage Mart") sound cynical and clinical – like a typical business transaction? Well, it is a business transaction of some sorts; you do get what you pay for: A man wants beauty, a woman wants wealth... The woman auctions herself off to the highest bidder who pays dearly to then get to dangle that lovely trophy of his arm. Maybe not all of us are that shallow but there are also many of us who are. In today’s modern world, everyone is increasingly time-poor. As one reader mentioned, Speed-dating is a phenomenon that is growing (at an alarming rate). When you have five minutes to summarize what your good points are, one thing tends to stand out as a fail-safe – your financial portfolio.
What is your POP?
What extent of material comfort do you expect when looking for a significant other? In other words, what price will you whore yourself out for? I know it sounds rude but sometimes, when I hear people talking crap about prostitutes and the like, I feel that there is a certain level of hypocrisy involved.
Prostitutes have sex with clients for money. At the end of the day, it is a business arrangement. Yes, it does make the whole act of sex seem sordid and taints the rosy image many of us have of sex and the associated romance and relationship that should come with it. But let us be honest here, we’re only human and to be honest, many of us (stereotypically, men) have base needs that need to be met and there's also some of us, who frankly, are just skanks, pure and simple. Are you saying that women, who hold out for the bigger, better deal (material-wise), are better than those who work in the oldest profession in the world?
I don’t think so. The woman who held out for the latest Mulberry bag is not very much different from a high-class call girl; they both cost a pretty penny even though one is paid with material goods and the other with cold hard cash. Doesn’t that fit a definition of whoring yourself out? I wouldn’t say that every woman who has financial stability/comfort as her selection criteria is a potential “prostitute in disguise” but I will say that for those of us who have a wide streak of “gold-digging” in them, should really learn the expression “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”. If you’ve ever had the chance to read Coerte Felske’s Millennium Girl, you’d know that there are a breed of women who do take their search for the ultimate Sugar Daddy very seriously: to the professional level. To some extent, I think that the prostitute has the better deal; she gets paid before she gets down to business. A woman who is being “kept” is in it for the long-term, the ultimate price being “marriage” but she is still at risk of having her “business deal” go down in flames as she does not get paid till much, much after.
But I’m not here to discuss the fine distinction between prostitution and being a “sugar baby”. I want to talk about what your personal criteria is when it comes to financial status. I believe I have mentioned before that I would like to find someone who is on par with my family’s social status; one who is able to support me in the lifestyle (or some semblance of it) that I have grown up and become accustomed to.
But I would also like to say that, at the end of the day, you will never truly know your POP till you are put in the situation where you actually have to decide what the exact price is. It is easy to give a ballpark figure when you haven’t met the person yet. There are some of us who adhere strictly to guidelines and will not consider anyone who does not meet their selection criteria. But alas, life is not always black-and-white. At some point in our lives, we will all meet that not-quite-suitable boy (or girl) who does not meet the pre-selection criteria and yet, there is just something about that person that makes you want to step out of your comfort/vetting zone and explore unchartered waters. Whether or not he is worth the risk, well, only time and experience will tell. And that is why one should always treat marriage as if there is a “no returns” policy and think well and hard before you choose to waltz down that aisle in the pretty white gown.
Of course, I am not suggesting that you marry someone that is the polar opposite of your selection criteria just to prove your point that wealth is of little consequence when it comes to matters of the heart. All I am saying is that it is often difficult to search for the right person when you have set yourself a list of selection criteria. How do you know what you really want? You will not really know till you meet the person. Even then, the basic foundations of common shared values may not necessarily make that person your perfect match either.
We’ve all heard that the “perfect match” is one where you complement each other; your weaknesses should be his strengths and vice-versa. Bullshit. We’re never ever going to find the perfect complement to ourselves. Everything in life does not fit nicely into place like a seamless jigsaw puzzle. There will always be uneven edges, gaps, grey areas and the like that will make any relationship a “Monet”: perfect from afar but a mess if you examine it up close. In situations such as these, it is when compromise comes to play and we have to decide what redeeming factors do the other party have that will make us set our POP to the “intended market price”.
Did I just make relationships and the search for a mate (in my dictionary known as "the Marriage Mart") sound cynical and clinical – like a typical business transaction? Well, it is a business transaction of some sorts; you do get what you pay for: A man wants beauty, a woman wants wealth... The woman auctions herself off to the highest bidder who pays dearly to then get to dangle that lovely trophy of his arm. Maybe not all of us are that shallow but there are also many of us who are. In today’s modern world, everyone is increasingly time-poor. As one reader mentioned, Speed-dating is a phenomenon that is growing (at an alarming rate). When you have five minutes to summarize what your good points are, one thing tends to stand out as a fail-safe – your financial portfolio.
3 comments:
At this point in time, I have not really felt any monetary amount to be worth it. My experience in this field would probably be far surpassed by any girl just due to the way society has structured gender roles. So with that said, I only have one experience dealing with a girl who had far more money than I do. Both her parents were doctors and she lived a seemingly blessed life compared to mine. I thought I would go out with her and see how it went (in terms of whether I could get to like her or not), I could see it wasn't going to go anywhere. Personally, I find going out with girls who are willing to spend their way into a guy's heart to be more difficult to deal with. Even now, I feel that on some level, I sort of owe her some small sort of gratification after she robbed me the chance to even the spending when we went out those few times. Then again, I'm not sure the benefits would be the same when compared to the reverse situation with a man chasing after a woman in the same way.
sometimes i think women are fighting (too) hard to prove that they are equal that they forget that old traditions and conventions die hard. I don't think it's wrong to let a man pay; i think basic courtesy is to let the person who did the asking pay and then, work out a compromise after that. Dating is such a complicated thing, isn't it?
Ever more complicated because I'll never understand women.
Post a Comment