“Sigh no more, Ladies, sigh no more…
Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant, never!
So sigh not so, and let them go
And be you blithe and bonny,
Casting all your cares and woes
And singing: Hey Nonny, Nonny!”
“Much Ado About Nothing”
(William Shakespeare)
I believe it is the prerogative of any woman to indulge in a little flirtation, more so, if you have the confidence and/or attractiveness to pull it off. And it is irregardless of marital status. I am not encouraging a married woman to start a torrid affair, but sometimes, when you are in a relationship, flirting is all you can do and it can be fun and be a bit of an ego-booster. Before any one gets on their high moral horse, I have to clarify that I am talking about harmless flirtation; a little witty repartee between two parties; as long as the involved parties are fully aware that it is just a game and merely words, with no ulterior motives. There is nothing wrong with window-shopping. You just have to be sure that you do not get tempted to purchase.
Yes, there is a very fine line between a little fun and having less-than-honorable intentions. It is a game that is as light-hearted as you want to be, but just as quickly can turn deadly. The status quo does not remain static, it changes easily without notice. So how do you decide when you are venturing into shark-infested waters?
When does a friendly smile turn seductive? Or a hug hello last that bit too longer? Or a peck on the cheek that seem to be a little too close to the mouth? Suddenly, Proxemics becomes an issue and you do not feel quite so comfortable sitting with that person’s thigh pressed against yours…
Male-female relationships are rife with such potential problems. Some of us start friendships with the opposite sex with the best of intentions and the flirtation process begins gradually. Other relationships start off with fast and furious flirting that blurs the lines with each encounter. I have been a party to both situations.
In the latter situation, the flirting got me into deeper waters than I intended to be in. I admit that our flirtation started from the first time we met and grew in intensity and danger at every meeting. I would admit that I spent an inordinate amount of time baiting him and slipping as many double entendres as I could into our conversations. Needless to say, the so-called harmless flirtation I was indulging in had less than innocent results. The aftermath was an emotionally-damaging year of a dysfunctional relationship.
In my defense, the guy in question is incapable of having a purely platonic relationship with any female that is not a family member. I think till this day, even though he is supposedly involved with another girl, if I were to give him a proper hug (like a Koala), I will definitely get a reaction “down south”. As much as I would like to flatter myself and say that I’m a “superfly shorty”, I think it’s more of a physical reaction than anything else.
But his comments did get me thinking as I recall another friend with less sleazy/player tendencies who had similar sentiments: that a guy cannot be friends with any girl without at some point, wondering what it would be like to hook up with her. This intrigued me as I think most women tend to categorize their male friends into categories of those that they could possibly consider dating and those that will forever live in the category of the “surrogate brother”. Case in point, there is always the token “gay best friend” who we love to death and call him the most affectionate of names and reveals to him, the most intimate details of ourselves because he’s gay and “it doesn’t matter”. In this case, he comes under the category of being a “sister/girlfriend”. Of course, there is still hope for the “surrogate brother” who may be fortunate enough to make the transition from that category to the “date-able” category. Whatever it is, there tends to be a distinction for women.
Of course, I do know there are limits and rules in how you should engage in the art of flirting and who makes an eligible candidate. Friends with girlfriends are off-limits (especially ones whose girlfriends you are not on that familiar/close terms with); boyfriends of friends are similarly off-limits. Any senior male relatives of friends are also not appropriate (even if you think that your girlfriend’s similarly-aged uncle is oh-so-sexy, eligible and SINGLE, do not go there!) I also tend to respect the rule that someone else’s prey is off-limits, i.e. do not flirt with a guy if you have a friend or know someone who is genuinely interested in him. Of course, if the predator (other girl) is being a bitch to you, then I say, “All’s fair in love and war” and I will unsheathe the claws and “may the best bitch win”. (Disclaimer: I normally dislike playing this game because it's spiteful, pointless and hurtful.)
Recently, I had an intensive course at University that meant I had to sacrifice Friday and Saturdays over three weeks for 7 hours of class. Needless to say, everyone in class was pretty much forced to hang out since there was nobody else around. It was a diverse class with many interesting people and I had every intention of widening my social circle. One of my classmates included this guy who had many friends in common with me. We have seen each other before but never properly been introduced or hung out. This opportunity arose with the class. I believe that his cultural background is largely attributable for his overly-friendly, flirty and “touch-feely” nature. In any case, I established a friendly, harmless flirty rapport with him. I did not see our relationship being anything beyond the platonic.
A girl in our class had her sights set on him and it got to the point where she had came up to me and asked me point-blank if I liked him. I was of course shocked and told her that I honestly thought that there was something going on with him and her. She must not have believed me because she started being cold towards me. I felt bad as I knew how bad it could feel to like someone and not know if he feels the same. Out of respect for her, I started to distance myself from the guy: keeping a physical distance and down-playing the flirtation. All I got for my trouble was the guy thinking that I was angry with him.
We cleared that up at a friend’s party and there was a nice warm make-up session with lots of hugging, etc. And to be mean, I think we did take some misleading “intimate” photos to put up on Facebook for her to see. We were not out to be mean but we were a little tired of her behavior that resulted in the two of us having a misunderstanding.
I admit that at times, I wondered how much of his behavior was harmless flirting and how much of it was him trying to make a move on me. To some extent, he is the sort of guy who likes the thrill of the chase and would willingly play “Kiss Chase” with a girl as long as she plays hard to get. Whatever his intentions are, I have no interest in finding out. I have had enough relationship dramas, thank you very much.
In any case, you would think that my years of being friends with a disproportionate amount of the opposite sex would have taught me to be a little more cautious in how I interact with them; I would say that the secret tease in me is very reluctant to give up any opportunity to be a “c**k-tease”. To be honest, it’s a head-trip and an ego-boost. I can assure you that knowing how to push the right buttons of the opposite sex is not a skill every girl has; especially the ability to do it with subtlety and finesse. Most self-respecting women I know will deny enjoying “the art of tantalization” but trust me; a lot of women secretly enjoy it.
Power is better than any drug; it’s an inimitable head trip…
After all, you got it, you flaunt it; you have it, you exploit it.
This is the facts of life.
Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant, never!
So sigh not so, and let them go
And be you blithe and bonny,
Casting all your cares and woes
And singing: Hey Nonny, Nonny!”
“Much Ado About Nothing”
(William Shakespeare)
I believe it is the prerogative of any woman to indulge in a little flirtation, more so, if you have the confidence and/or attractiveness to pull it off. And it is irregardless of marital status. I am not encouraging a married woman to start a torrid affair, but sometimes, when you are in a relationship, flirting is all you can do and it can be fun and be a bit of an ego-booster. Before any one gets on their high moral horse, I have to clarify that I am talking about harmless flirtation; a little witty repartee between two parties; as long as the involved parties are fully aware that it is just a game and merely words, with no ulterior motives. There is nothing wrong with window-shopping. You just have to be sure that you do not get tempted to purchase.
Yes, there is a very fine line between a little fun and having less-than-honorable intentions. It is a game that is as light-hearted as you want to be, but just as quickly can turn deadly. The status quo does not remain static, it changes easily without notice. So how do you decide when you are venturing into shark-infested waters?
When does a friendly smile turn seductive? Or a hug hello last that bit too longer? Or a peck on the cheek that seem to be a little too close to the mouth? Suddenly, Proxemics becomes an issue and you do not feel quite so comfortable sitting with that person’s thigh pressed against yours…
Male-female relationships are rife with such potential problems. Some of us start friendships with the opposite sex with the best of intentions and the flirtation process begins gradually. Other relationships start off with fast and furious flirting that blurs the lines with each encounter. I have been a party to both situations.
In the latter situation, the flirting got me into deeper waters than I intended to be in. I admit that our flirtation started from the first time we met and grew in intensity and danger at every meeting. I would admit that I spent an inordinate amount of time baiting him and slipping as many double entendres as I could into our conversations. Needless to say, the so-called harmless flirtation I was indulging in had less than innocent results. The aftermath was an emotionally-damaging year of a dysfunctional relationship.
In my defense, the guy in question is incapable of having a purely platonic relationship with any female that is not a family member. I think till this day, even though he is supposedly involved with another girl, if I were to give him a proper hug (like a Koala), I will definitely get a reaction “down south”. As much as I would like to flatter myself and say that I’m a “superfly shorty”, I think it’s more of a physical reaction than anything else.
But his comments did get me thinking as I recall another friend with less sleazy/player tendencies who had similar sentiments: that a guy cannot be friends with any girl without at some point, wondering what it would be like to hook up with her. This intrigued me as I think most women tend to categorize their male friends into categories of those that they could possibly consider dating and those that will forever live in the category of the “surrogate brother”. Case in point, there is always the token “gay best friend” who we love to death and call him the most affectionate of names and reveals to him, the most intimate details of ourselves because he’s gay and “it doesn’t matter”. In this case, he comes under the category of being a “sister/girlfriend”. Of course, there is still hope for the “surrogate brother” who may be fortunate enough to make the transition from that category to the “date-able” category. Whatever it is, there tends to be a distinction for women.
Of course, I do know there are limits and rules in how you should engage in the art of flirting and who makes an eligible candidate. Friends with girlfriends are off-limits (especially ones whose girlfriends you are not on that familiar/close terms with); boyfriends of friends are similarly off-limits. Any senior male relatives of friends are also not appropriate (even if you think that your girlfriend’s similarly-aged uncle is oh-so-sexy, eligible and SINGLE, do not go there!) I also tend to respect the rule that someone else’s prey is off-limits, i.e. do not flirt with a guy if you have a friend or know someone who is genuinely interested in him. Of course, if the predator (other girl) is being a bitch to you, then I say, “All’s fair in love and war” and I will unsheathe the claws and “may the best bitch win”. (Disclaimer: I normally dislike playing this game because it's spiteful, pointless and hurtful.)
Recently, I had an intensive course at University that meant I had to sacrifice Friday and Saturdays over three weeks for 7 hours of class. Needless to say, everyone in class was pretty much forced to hang out since there was nobody else around. It was a diverse class with many interesting people and I had every intention of widening my social circle. One of my classmates included this guy who had many friends in common with me. We have seen each other before but never properly been introduced or hung out. This opportunity arose with the class. I believe that his cultural background is largely attributable for his overly-friendly, flirty and “touch-feely” nature. In any case, I established a friendly, harmless flirty rapport with him. I did not see our relationship being anything beyond the platonic.
A girl in our class had her sights set on him and it got to the point where she had came up to me and asked me point-blank if I liked him. I was of course shocked and told her that I honestly thought that there was something going on with him and her. She must not have believed me because she started being cold towards me. I felt bad as I knew how bad it could feel to like someone and not know if he feels the same. Out of respect for her, I started to distance myself from the guy: keeping a physical distance and down-playing the flirtation. All I got for my trouble was the guy thinking that I was angry with him.
We cleared that up at a friend’s party and there was a nice warm make-up session with lots of hugging, etc. And to be mean, I think we did take some misleading “intimate” photos to put up on Facebook for her to see. We were not out to be mean but we were a little tired of her behavior that resulted in the two of us having a misunderstanding.
I admit that at times, I wondered how much of his behavior was harmless flirting and how much of it was him trying to make a move on me. To some extent, he is the sort of guy who likes the thrill of the chase and would willingly play “Kiss Chase” with a girl as long as she plays hard to get. Whatever his intentions are, I have no interest in finding out. I have had enough relationship dramas, thank you very much.
In any case, you would think that my years of being friends with a disproportionate amount of the opposite sex would have taught me to be a little more cautious in how I interact with them; I would say that the secret tease in me is very reluctant to give up any opportunity to be a “c**k-tease”. To be honest, it’s a head-trip and an ego-boost. I can assure you that knowing how to push the right buttons of the opposite sex is not a skill every girl has; especially the ability to do it with subtlety and finesse. Most self-respecting women I know will deny enjoying “the art of tantalization” but trust me; a lot of women secretly enjoy it.
Power is better than any drug; it’s an inimitable head trip…
After all, you got it, you flaunt it; you have it, you exploit it.
This is the facts of life.
1 comment:
Wooo... controvercial baby!
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